Summary

Your creativity is a radical, fundamental part of you. We explore what that means in this episode of Run Like Hell Toward Happy! 

First, a couple notes about upcoming trainings and programs that might be just what you need to take the next step into your best creative life. On September 13, I’m offering a free training to Be Creative Without Self Sabotaging! Sign up here: https://www.learn-caitlinlizfisher.com/be-creative-without-self-sabotage

Then, in October, we are starting the next cohort of the 90 Day Goal Glow Up goal incubator! It’s PERFECT for writers and online creators who are ready to push a bit beyond their comfort zone and achieve something amazing in just 90 days. Buy once, KEEP FOREVER. https://www.learn-caitlinlizfisher.com/90-day-goal-glow-up

Onto the episode! First we define “radical” as either going against the status quo (aka capitalist patriarchy) or relating to the fundamentals of something. How can you take simple, radical action that supports yourself and your energy? Your creativity is itself a radical action – but there’s also so much more. Keep listening to find out. 

This episode discusses The Nap Ministry and Tricia Hersey’s upcoming book! You can pre-order that here: https://www.littlebrownspark.com/titles/tricia-hersey/rest-is-resistance/9780316365215

Don’t forget to put your booty on my email list at bit.ly/CaitNotes, and as always a huge heartfelt thank you to Leave Nelson B for music and Jen Hearn for photography. See y’all next time! 

Transcription

54 Creation is Radical

[00:00:00] Hello, and welcome back. Happy Friday. It’s been, it’s been a couple of weeks for me. so let’s check in a little bit. Let’s check in emotionally and spiritually and in your body, how are you feeling? I personally have had a lot of like, big trauma that I’ve been repressing forever, come back to haunt me.

So, if there’s anything that you thought that you had handled that’s, coming back up in your subconscious or your conscious mind that apparently is because, Mars is in Gemini right now. And I don’t understand what that means, but that’s what my friends who are into astrology tell me, so I’m gonna go with that.

And that is why, it’s been emotionally chaotic. Cool. great. I, I love having a planet to [00:01:00] blame, so I’m in, but yeah, lots of journaling here. Lots of therapy, lots of Tarot reading. So much fun. Okay. So just to get started off in this episode, I want to talk about some upcoming events that I am doing.

So one is I’m doing a free training called how to start a creative practice without self sabotaging. and that is being held on September 13th. this episode is coming out on the second. So you have some time to sign up, but I’d recommend you just go ahead and go sign up for that, if you are interested so that you get the notification, when it goes live and everything, we’re just gonna be hanging out on zoom, doing a really dope training that I am really, really, really, really, really excited about.

I had so much fun putting it together and I have not taught this one before. This is sort of a, a reenvisioning of [00:02:00] prior trainings that I have done. So there might be some familiar stuff, but also some new stuff. So stick around. And then also, the second cohort of the 90 day goal glow up is beginning on October 3rd.

So what is goal glow up? What is the glow up? I just call it glow up. It started off. I’m gonna tell, I’m gonna take you on a journey with me. It started off as a goal incubator, like bring whatever goal you have, apply these goal oriented trainings and self concepting and other things to whatever goal you have, and achieve goal within 90 days, that was the premise.

And then I got all people who had writing projects. So now it’s a writing incubator because the writers came to me. And I’m like, you know what? That makes sense. [00:03:00] That makes sense. So it’s, it could still be used for any goal, honestly, but specifically, especially if you have a writing project, the glow up is kind of an accelerated container to get that project done, some version of it in 90 days. So that could look like outlining a novel, that could look like first drafting a novel, it’s really dependent on what, like level of time you can put into it weekly. To see like how fast your goal can move basically.

But it is definitely an action oriented program. Passion Pacers is a little more soft, a little more, “Hey, you know, take your time.” Like, absolutely. This is about balance. This is about unlearning hustle. So like, yeah, there’s a lot of rest in passion Pacers. There’s a lot of [00:04:00] self-compassion, not that there’s not in glow up, but passion Pacers is much more like go at your own pace, which is why it’s called that.

And then 90 day goal glow up the intention really is for you to achieve something that’s a little outside your comfort zone within 90 days. Now it is not just a 90 day program. It is a lifetime program. So this year I’m running it in two cohorts and that’s allowing me to sort of tweak, fine tune, get more feedback from smaller groups to sort of work out all the kinks.

And then next year it’s my intention to launch glow up as an ongoing weekly accountability program. So it is buy once keep forever. So in this fall cohort, starting in October, our spring glow getters are going to come back and take the next 90 days toward their goal.

So it is [00:05:00] build upon-able, it’s honestly really fucking dope. That program is $2,000. You keep it forever. And honestly, it’s, it’s a steal and the price might go up next year, depending on what that looks like. So you, you wanna get in on this right now, especially if you’re a writer, okay. Links to those, uh, the how to start a creative practice without self sabotaging workshop slash training, as well as a link to glow up will be in the show notes.

Also, uh, get on my email list. If you are not on my email list info about both of those will be going out so that you are getting the link and a reminder, because I know if you’re here, you probably have ADHD like me and you’re like, I should totally go click on those links. And then you don’t. Because our brains are out here not giving us the nice things that we want.

So get on my email list. That link will also be in the show notes. So I know that that’s a crapshoot, but it’s Bitly [00:06:00] bit.ly slash Cait Capital C – a- i – t notes, capital N OT, E S Cait notes. That’s me. I’m Cait. They’re my notes. Bitly slash Cait notes. Cool. Let’s actually get to the topic. So today’s episode is creation is a radical act.

So let’s define radical. Radical is something against the status quo against the norm. And radical can also mean like relating to the fundamental nature of something. So. You hear, geez. Like, I don’t wanna bring Donald Trump into this, but, I always laugh when people , when he says that Joe Biden is a radical leftist, because like, bro on the journey to radical leftism, [00:07:00] Joe Biden is a Republican.

Like he’s a conservative Mm, no, he’s a centrist at his most left. So let’s talk about like radical leftism. That is a political ideology. Basically, and I’m not a fucking expert. I’m so sorry. This, this is why my book, where I was like, I don’t know. Capitalism could be okay. God, shut up. No, you were wrong.

It’s fine. So, radical leftist, that’s someone who like wants the government to provide for the fundamental needs of the people, such as healthcare and education and food and shelter, you know, uh, things that we treat like silly little luxuries here and… they’re not. Those, those should be basic. Those should be fundamental.

So believing that [00:08:00] healthcare is a fundamental human right, uh, is, is radical. That’s a radical idea right now. I, I think it should be pretty automatic, but whatever that’s radical. let’s also talk about like, Feminism. I don’t wanna get into like radical feminism. Cause I think that goes into like TERF territory, but like the idea of like relationships.

Have you seen these articles coming out about like dating is so hard for single men, right? Because uh, [Dog Barking] women expect them to do stuff. [I know Gwen. I know, can you believe it? She can’t believe it.] So it seems very radical, like against the status quo when women, femmes, [00:09:00] people who were assigned female at birth and have been socialized in this fucking, “your needs don’t matter, just serve the men around you” kind of thing. Um, all the jokes about like making me a sandwich, shit like that, we expect more now. And we just will break up with a dude if he’s an asshole. And that apparently is a radical act, even though it should be automatic, but Hey, we can get bank accounts now, we can do all sorts of things all by ourselves without a man to save us.

God. These things shouldn’t be radical, but they are. And that’s what this episode’s about. Hey, it’s radical stuff. So resting is radical, saying no and having boundaries is radical. Having a thriving living wage is radical, using the block button on Facebook and Twitter is radical. Like anything that, [00:10:00] that shuts down this sort of norm in which the people in power should be able to spew bullshit upon you, and you turn off that spout, is a radical act. That is my belief. The further you are from the supremacy, from the privilege. So the further you are from white Christian, cisgender heterosexual, male, um, wealthy, thin neurotypical, able bodied, like the more it is radical and revolutionary for you to just exist and vibe and be content with yourself rather than trying to hide those parts of yourself or mask them in order to fit in [00:11:00] with that social norm.

Trying to make people in power feel more comfortable is the norm. So when we stop doing that, oh, I definitely was this person at my last job.

If you remember back in the day, I told this story in like episode one or two, I gave my manager like a good six months to like, Get on board and like learn all the stuff about our company and our department and things like that. And then at like six months, I was like, this, this man should know things by now.

And so I just, I simply stopped taking care of him. that’s all I did. I wasn’t being shitty. I, I did not change anything except that I stopped anticipating his fuckups for him and stopping him from making them. That’s what I stopped. And, I was called insubordinate. I started getting like, just a ton of issues at work.

He, he would become very upset with me when I would say no to [00:12:00] him. And that, that is what I’m talking about. When you’re just like, no, I’m not gonna do that. You get labeled a problem.

We have this “quiet quitting” phenomenon right now, which I’m obsessed with because corporations are so upset that people are literally just fulfilling their job description and then going home at the end of the day. They’re like, why aren’t you going above and beyond? And it’s like, because you’re not. Like, you don’t pay a thriving wage, you barely pay a living wage So to be like, well, we, you know, we offer you this shitty salary and, uh, these shitty benefits… so we own your soul.

excuse me, that’s capitalism and we don’t fuck with capitalism. Sometimes we have to participate within the systems [00:13:00] of capitalism because we gotta pay bills. And we’re not, we’re not gonna overthrow capitalism overnight. Probably not even within our lifetime. I don’t know if it’s ever gonna happen, but what we can do is resist.

We can resist capitalism and anything that you do to resist capitalism is a radical self nourishing act. So you think you’re lazy. You think you’re useless. I’m telling you, you are fighting the fucking status quo. So good job. PS drink some water.

So let’s talk about what I mean by creation is radical.

And first I would like to quote RENT because as I was writing the outline for this episode, the line from La Vie Boheme, when they’re all like in this restaurant being [00:14:00] kind of dicks to the staff is… who says it? I think it’s mark. He says “the opposite of war isn’t peace, it’s creation.” And that’s probably a quote from somewhere else, but if it’s not, and it’s from rent, like good job me and I love that line.

I love that line. I have complicated feelings about rent, uh, but that line is good. so like, we, don’t just, we don’t just want to fit in. We don’t just want to be able to exist. We want to be able to express,

like we talked about last episode when the world is dark, it’s not the time to shut up and fit in. It’s the time to get loud. It’s the time to get very expressive. It’s the time to shout from the rooftops and make bold statements and make bold art. And that’s, that’s what we’re talking about with this Renaissance [00:15:00] theme.

So now is the time for creativity, like we said last week, especially from people on the margins, people further away from that standard, the cis het white dude standard.

And. Honestly, the world needs more art that is not that standard. We need more queer art, black art, indigenous art, disabled art, autistic art, fat art. We need all this awesome stuff. We need more businesses run by queer black, indigenous disabled, autistic, you know, all these people. More board members who represent these margins, more reviewers, more decision makers, because like, look what happens at the Oscars or whatever.

Like really great movies are being made by people all around the world. And like who wins like [00:16:00] white dudes and white women win a lot of awards over and over and over and over again, even when arguably better movies are out there because the people voting. Represent that norm. So yeah, be fucking loud and make fucking art.

That’s what I mean by creation is radical. The more margins you exist in, the more intersections of those identities that are far away from the norm, the more your creativity and your art and your presence subverts this capitalist norm.

And I also wanna talk about rest, cuz you know, we love a nap here.

but I wanna talk about the idea of rest being radical or rest being resistance. And here, I really wanna talk about, the nap ministry, which is, um, it’s a website. It is an [00:17:00] Instagram account. Um, the Nap Ministry was created by Tricia Hersey. And she created, oh shit. Is it she, her, let me go double check their pronouns, the website doesn’t say it.

Just think if it was they them, that would be pretty front and center. Here you go. Here’s how I figure out people’s pronouns as I just go to their website and I look

okay. Yeah, no, this blog post says black woman, so I’m gonna go with she, her. So she Tricia here created the Rest is Resistance Framework. She offers coaching, speaking engagements, all sorts of things. And she has a book coming out called Rest is Resistance: A Manifesto, that you can pre-order. I will put the link to that in the show notes.

And when I started following the Nap ministry on Instagram, a couple of years ago, [00:18:00] that really started shifting my perception of rest and relaxation, and it also helped, It helped me see rest as an intersectional thing. Like obviously I’m out here existing as a white person. I’m pretty privileged. I’m well educated, like I’m disabled and queer and non-binary so I definitely need rest for me as a disabled person, as an autistic person, like rest is important to me and my intersection of marginalizations, but, learning from Tricia and the Nap ministry, just how much anti-capitalism is intertwined with black liberation because capitalism was built on slavery.

Like that’s really important working knowledge to have and be growing. Right. So for one, I’m really excited to read this book because I, I need [00:19:00] more black authors. My bookshelf looks real white and I don’t love that about my bookshelf. So. I’m super excited. That book comes out in October, which is soon that’s next month.

Oh my God. That’s very exciting. I love, I love a pre-order because I forget about it completely. And then my bank account is like, Hey, you just spent $25. And I’m like, well, I don’t know what that was. And then the mail arrives and I’m like, aha. I remember it’s a book. Anyway, rest is a radical act. Rest is the resistance of capitalism.

So if that sounds super hokey to you, I really encourage you to check out the Nap ministry because there is a wealth of information to learn and unlearn and recontextualize around rest and anti-capitalism, and black [00:20:00] liberation, especially, but liberation for all of us who are in this fucking grind, hustle, capitalist mindset. anything that allows us to slow down and detach from that grind is resistance. And I love it. It’s radical.

So how can your creativity and rest be a radical act? Because if you’re anything like me, you’re hearing this and you’re like, oh, well, yeah, their art is special. Their art is radical. Their art is resistance.

But my art, my I’m just, I’m just some lady. I’m just some person I’m just a, I don’t know, a teacher and I, I make wire art on the weekends or, yeah, I’m writing a novel, I guess, but like I’m not doing important things. Yes you are. Yes, you are. Right now, I have this big poster on my wall that just [00:21:00] says art is work and I love it because it, it, its depending on the day it tells me different things.

So like one is that like art is as important. Or should be as important, right? That’s the radical part. Let’s get down to the fundamentals. Art should be considered as important as we consider work. And also art is labor. It’s a labor of love and creativity. It is it’s work, but I also love that your work can be creative.

Work can be art as well. It just really speaks to me and I love it. I have another, um, art piece that says you are a tenacious and magnificent being. I have, I’m really surrounded by some good fucking art in here. I made a good office. Anyway, we’re not talking about my office. We’re talking about you and your creativity and your rest being [00:22:00] radical.

So here’s how, here’s how to be radically creative. Are you ready? Do some stuff, do some creative stuff. That’s it. That’s literally it. That is the secret. Rest and play and be creative and be fucking useless to capitalism. If capitalism calls you and is like, Hey, you free? Your response is no, I have plans.

And then in the next scene, I want it to cut to you in bed with your cat. Crocheting something like, nah, no capitalism. I can’t talk to you today. I’m really busy. And then you’re taking a nap. You’re like, oh, so sorry. Double booked myself. And the double book is a mani and a pedi. Like I don’t, I don’t care what, what you’re doing, but be absolutely [00:23:00] pointless to capitalism as often as possible. Read books, have sex, go lay in the grass. Look at clouds, go hang out with weird friends and be weird and do weird things. Make, make funny voices. And if people get mad that you are wasting time or being lazy or being pointless, I encourage you to eat them.

And that’s it for this episode. I love you. All those amazing links will be in the show notes. This is your final reminder, if you have ADHD, to go check out the show notes and I will talk to you guys again really soon in a week, it’s pretty predictable. Anyway. Bye.

Summary

There is no denying that the world is pretty sucky right now. We’re still living through a global pandemic, human rights are being rolled back in “the land of the free,” and we’re still living in a racist, sexist, all-the-phobic kind of society. BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU STOP CREATING. The hard parts, the dark times, the absolute chaos is where creativity and passion shine a light to guide us through. In this episode you’ll hear my personal experience with reaching a rock bottom point in life, when I wasn’t creating and was totally detached from my creative passions entirely — AND the renaissance that has grown from that personal dark age. Come along with me, this season is all about connecting with your inner knowing: your creativity, passion, integrity, joy, love, compassion, and so much more. 

Sign up for my weird love notes (aka emails) at bit.ly/CaitNotes 

Thank you to Leave Nelson B for music and Jen Hearn for photography! 

Transcription

[00:00:00] Hello. I am so excited to be back in the recording studio, which is a fancy way of saying I have my microphone on my desk. hi. I love you. I missed you so much. This was the longest break that we have ever taken on the podcast. And here’s why, because I teach you to rest and balance work, life, play, and rest.

And I had a lot of other work stuff going on. So I took a longer break than usual from the podcast so that I could get a lot of other content made for my passion Pacers membership and the 90 day goal glow up. So I recorded like probably close to nine to 10 hours of trainings and goodness there, not to even count all of the coaching and coworking calls.

[00:01:00] So. Yeah. I’ve been focused on a lot of stuff and had a very productive summer. And I’m so excited to get back into the podcasting chair, which is my same chair as every other day. But anyway, hi, I missed you. I hope that you are amazing and this episode is gonna be a, a shorter one. I have some amazing guests coming in this season to talk about lots of things, but this season is about the idea of Renaissance.

The idea that great art can arise during and after a terrible dark period. So, you know, the actual Renaissance was after the bubonic plague and you know, right now we’re, we’re still, we act like it’s post COVID, but COVID is still actively killing people and it’s bad. So there’s a real plague going on right now. We have a global [00:02:00] pandemic that is coming to a middle, it’s not over. Uh, and then we’ve also got, you know, monkey pox and Ben Shapiro and late stage capitalism. So there’s a lot going on that, uh, feels bad. It feels bad out here, right?

Like the Supreme court. Whatever, that’ll take me down a path I don’t feel like going down right now. So this season we’re talking about how art and creativity and thriving can come from this like dark place. We don’t have to just be sad and angry all the time. We can also make art and that’s okay. And honestly is kind of good.

This season’s also gonna be about social justice and wanting to do your best and be your best. And we’re gonna talk about activism and hope, [00:03:00] you know, because another thing that we do when times are bad is that we try to make them better. So there’s a lot of social justice work going on. And honestly, in 2022, it’s never been easier, really.

There are so many ways to get involved. There are so many different causes to be involved with, but then we get this sort of paralysis and like, am I doing enoughness and then that can cause its own spiral. And so we’re also gonna be talking about being enough and what happens when you get something wrong and how to get back up when you falter and, you know, we’ll sprinkle some trauma in there too.

So to kick the season off, I’m sharing my own experience of burnout, my own personal dark ages, if you will. We’re gonna call that like the rock bottom moment and how that has led to sort of [00:04:00] a personal renaissance, uh, how I have been more creative and more artistic in the years since like the worst point in my life.

So if you’ve been a listener for, uh, when did this start? When did I start this, 2021, we’ve been going for about a year. So if you’ve been listening, you may have heard my story before, but this time, I’m gonna tell it from the specific perspective of my creativity.

So I had an abusive marriage and I met that partner in 2011. We moved in, at the end of 2013, we got married in 2016 and I left in 2018. So at sort of all those milestones things got a little worse abuse wise, which is how abuse works. It’s typically awesome [00:05:00] until like you hit a milestone where it’s a little harder to leave. So when I moved in, we hit a period of things, uh, kind of sucking.

And then when we got married, things kind of sucked again. And then his dad died and like the training wheels were off. He was like, I can do whatever I want, because like, I’m sad and Caitlin’s not gonna leave me, uh, because Caitlin’s a good person and they’re not gonna leave me right after my dad died.

So he became a fucking terror and yeah. Things didn’t go well. And I left him and then he guilt tripped me about it. That’s fine. Anyway, the point of that was that, when I left in 2018, I discovered that the Brenaked ladies had two entire albums. I was not aware of. And the Barenaked ladies are my favorite band.

They have been my favorite band since I was like seven years old. And this is one of the [00:06:00] biggest, most glaring examples I have of the way that like my joy and creativity and play had been really like dulled down when I was in that relationship. I didn’t really do things unless he also enjoyed them. So watching TV shows for myself, listening to music for myself, taking time to paint or write for myself didn’t happen very frequently.

If it did, it was while he was out, or taking a nap or something. I don’t think that I napped for seven years that I was in that relationship because like he would take naps on the weekends and stuff, and I would always be cleaning the house or doing errands or something. And I don’t think I ever really rested, which is, you know, obviously a red flag, but we don’t often see those when we’re living them.

So. Very dull. Um, not like I’m dull, but like, [00:07:00] honestly, my, even like my face was not as bright. My eyes were not as bright. I look at photos of myself and I look dim. I look dull and my creative passions were also really dulled in that relationship. I only did like one or two paintings maybe like for my own self in that marriage.

Um, when I lived with him and I, I used to paint all the time, so I really was just sort of a shell of the person that I am now, especially if. Like you’re someone who has found me, recently within the past couple of years, when I have really been like, leaning into all of like the creative stuff about me and all of the bright shininess of my personality and my passion and things like that.

I did not used to be like that. [00:08:00] I was very tired. And then when I left him in 2018, I started writing a lot. So I’ve always been kind of a prolific writer, but I started writing poetry. I wrote a lot on Facebook and in my blog about my experiences in this abusive relationship. And I started writing more generally about love and trauma and relationships and healing.

And for me, personally, words are like my primary way that I cope and process stuff. So that’s my art, my art is usually word based. I also love paint, but man, if I could like paint you a picture with words that , that’s usually more my jam and I started painting more. I was just doing it like here and there.

Like when I felt inspired, I was like, oh, I really wanna paint that. a friend posted like a really interesting selfie on Facebook and I painted it [00:09:00] and, uh, they bought it from me. They were like, I, I must pay you for this. So I sent that to them and I painted a lot as gifts for people. So I was, I was writing my book at this time.

I started like paying off a lot of my debt now that I didn’t have to take care of my ex financially. I was having some casual relationships and some less casual relationships. I was still working out a lot when I left. I was really committed to running. So like the month after I left, I had a half marathon.

And then I did a Ragnar relay a few months later, which is like a ridiculous, like 200 mile relay race. And each runner runs like three legs of it. so it’s a lot, it’s a lot. It’s wild. You like sleep in a van. It’s chaotic, but it’s fun. And, uh, then I realized I had an eating disorder, [00:10:00] so I stopped running.

I stopped working out. I stopped dieting and then I had some breakups. One of my relationships was honestly just based on being workout buddies together. So that ended shortly after I started recovery from the eating disorder. And then the other relationship ended a couple months after that for, I don’t know, various reasons boundary stuff, I guess just, I don’t know.

So then we have like living situation things, right. And I’m still, I’m still telling you about my dark age. And the, the dark age also includes having to move four times in two years. So I moved out of my ex’s house into an apartment. And then I broke my lease at that apartment to move in with, my boyfriend at the time, the, the workout buddy boyfriend.

And then when we broke up, I had to move again. And I found a shared house in Cleveland on the east side, which within [00:11:00] months became very toxic and, uh, shitty and not really safe to live in. so one of my roommates in that house, and I moved out into a duplex on the west side of Cleveland. So with just lots of moving, it was hard.

It was like constantly like running. Like when do I get to just unpack my shit? And know that I can like decorate, you know, like it’s so hard to keep moving. Like, am I running from something? Towards something? I don’t know, but I was just running and I was tired. So this two year span. From 2018 to 2020. Right.

I had all those moves. I was diagnosed with fibro and endometriosis, right. Two very like painful chronic pain illnesses. So I started, medication to help both of those. [00:12:00] I started recovering from my eating disorder. I had my final contact with both my biological parents in 2018. My stepdad died the same week that I left my ex-husband.

And, uh, as a result of, you know, being traumatized by all this shit happening, I had a bad work review. And so they took away my work from home days and they said it would be for 90 days, but it was actually six months that I was commuting an hour, one way, five days a week. So that also contributed to the burnout.

And then in 2020, I met my partner and then we got a plague and then I quit my job and my cat died in 2021. We’ll just throw that one on for some zest. Right. But most things right now. Very good. But yeah, 2020 was a little [00:13:00] bit like what the fuck? You know, it was sort of like the end. I was like, okay, I’m not doing any more of this.

I am in a healthy relationship. I am in a healthy working environment. I am not doing this burnout nonsense at my job anymore. You can hear my story of how I quit my job in the first or second episode of this podcast. It’s a fun story. It’s pretty great. So now I want to shift into this like Renaissance mode that I have been able to cultivate.

And I wanna point out that you do not have to, quit your job and stop talking to everyone who ever hurt you and, uh, get super divorced and move a bunch of times in order for you to shift out of burnout. that was my personal burnout. It was like, a really, really chaotic lifetime movie.

Like that’s my personal burnout story. You [00:14:00] might have more shit in your burnout story. You might have less shit in your burnout story. We don’t compare burnout. Everybody has different burnout thresholds, and we can all agree that most people are burned out and that’s bad. So. Don’t compare yourself to me.

I try not to compare myself to other people. but I’m also trying to really acknowledge that I have been through some shit because if you know anybody who’s been through some shit, uh, you know, that they tend to like, brush it off and keep moving forward. The problem with never being able to rest, when we haven’t been able to rest like our whole lives, we don’t know that that’s like an important component of life. And so we tend to just get through something really traumatic and hard and just throw ourselves into the next thing.

So a lot of what I teach people is the [00:15:00] resting and the permission to go way, way slower than you think you need to go. So be slow, be restful, take naps as much as you can. also wanna acknowledge that I was very privileged to be able to quit my job and figure things out. I’ve had some months where I didn’t make a lot of money, but I had savings.

So I was able to pay my bills out of my savings, et cetera. And then I’ve had some months where I did make a lot of money. And so I was able to build that savings back up and pay off some bills and things like that. So balancing privilege and just this huge leap of faith of knowing that I would figure it out because I had to, because I could not live like that anymore.

So since 2020, like since leaving my husband, my parents, and then finally that job in 2020, I have [00:16:00] been recovering from burnout. and I never want to be at that rock bottom, dark age place, again, feeling like I am trapped because I did feel trapped. I felt like everything that I had for myself, I had to give to other people who did not care about me. They only wanted whatever I could produce for them.

And what I have discovered about myself is that I love to take naps and I love to make stuff. I fucking love making stuff, writing stuff, recording stuff, giving you stuff. I love it. And someone described me as prolific. And I was like, I don’t know if I’m prolific, but then I made a list of things that I had done.

And I was like, okay, I will accept prolific. And so like, now that’s my word. [00:17:00] I’m like, you know what? Yeah. I made this cool shit, cuz I’m prolific. So I’m experiencing a Renaissance with all of this creative energy and art that is coming out of that terrible place that I was in. So like I told you, when I took that break from the podcast I made like probably 10 hours of training content.

I have done countless coaching calls for one on one clients and my group program clients. I have sent out newsletters and written blog posts, and that’s not even counting like freelance articles that I have written and freelance work that I have done for other clients. Uh, social media posts. Like I’m always trying to teach you something important on Instagram or Facebook or like wherever I am.

I partnered with Scribd to make [00:18:00] an online course out of my teachings. I did my level up your creativity program at mid-winter gaming convention. I wrote a novel, I wrote a novel this year. I’m working on a second novel right now, and I only write that novel on Wednesday morning. I published a poetry book and this podcast is still going strong. And I consider going strong. Like even though I just took several months off, I took several months off so that it can continue to be going strong. And none of this would’ve happened. If I had let myself shut down and freak out. like, I seriously freaked out in 2020 when COVID hit, I felt really bad about trying to teach people something, offer something, create something, sell something.

I felt bad about that because the world was bad. The [00:19:00] world was worse than ever. There’s a global pandemic. People are sick and they’re dying. And I felt like an asshole for daring to have something to sell. but I kept making, I kept creating, I kept doing what I was doing and I still have those moments. I still have those moments where I’m like, man, I hate having to sell because some people can’t afford it or it’s just really stressful out here right now.

But yeah, the world is always stressful. If we only created and offered and did our life’s work when the world was in perfect balance and harmony and everyone was fine, nobody would ever do anything. That’s where creativity comes from. It comes from the margins. It comes from the dark places. It comes from being inspired. It comes from joy. It comes from love. [00:20:00] creativity is what makes us people. And so, yeah, if you’ve got creativity now is the time to brighten the world with it, please.

Since my personal dark age, I have discovered so much about myself and my joy and my passion and creating and teaching and inspiring other people to take up their rightful space. And that is what this podcast is about. That’s what my coaching is about. That is how I show up and serve. I’m gonna show up and tell you that your butt looks really cute today, and that you should do that art project or that you should write that thing or that you should go out on a street corner and sing and dance and make silly TikToks and absolutely love yourself and wear the short shorts and the crop top. Like, I fucking love you so much because your [00:21:00] joy and your art and your passion is part of this revolution. The creativity and the art and the passion is literally, what’s going to get us through the world sucking so bad.

And the world being bad does not mean that it’s the time to shut up. It means the opposite. Now is the time to create and to love and to embrace your joy. And bring the part of you that has been on the sidelines into the forefront. And I’m literally crying right now. You guys, I am so inspired by you and I cannot wait to see what you create.

And I cannot wait to bring this season to you and I’m gonna have to wrap it up here, but I love you. And I’m so happy to be back. And I can’t wait for the next [00:22:00] episode. I’ll see you later.

Summary

How we’ve always thought about it: You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, and your thoughts and beliefs are pretty static. But you CAN change your thoughts and believe in new possibilities. Reframing your thoughts is a practice, that requires practice! This episode first features a giant rant about the Supreme Court, and then we start talking about how to shift your self-belief from a self-sabotaging spiral to a more affirming thought that feels just as true and inspires you to take action. Using the phrase “What if” to help you examine the possibilities is a great tool to reframe a negative thought. Listen and learn! 

You can get on my email list two ways! One, take the creative block quiz at bit.ly/CreativeBlockQuiz to receive tips on how to bust through your creative blocks. Or you can sign up to get a copy of my eBook, Achieve Your Dreams Without Burnout, at bit.ly/stopburnoutebook. 

Remember to rate and review the show on iTunes/Apple podcast or leave a comment on CastBox! You can enter a giveaway for a grand prize in the Run Like Hell Toward Happy group on Facebook.

Thanks to Leave Nelson B for music and Jen Hearn for photography.

Transcription

00:00:00] Hello. Welcome back. My friends. It is a new month. It is may now. Uh, holy crap. So it’s, it’s a great time to check out your second quarter goals. Anything that you started doing in April do sort of a 30 day check-in, see what’s working, see what’s not, see what you want to change. A lot’s going on for me this month.

There’s. First of all. Okay. Let’s first of all, let’s talk about the Supreme court. Uh, this is all very fucked up and whatever you are feeling about it. If you are scared, if you are angry, if you are sad, if you are panicking, uh, that’s valid. If you’re happy, uh, you shouldn’t be listening to this podcast because we’re not going to get along..

But everything else is valid, but if you, if you’re happy that they’re trying to ban abortion, then, uh, get out of here. Cause we’re not, we’re not going to see eye to eye on some shit. [00:01:00] Um, but I should have scared you off during the capitalism season. Anyway, uh, this is messed up. This is, this is not good.

There’s a lot to absorb. There’s a lot to learn. I am not a political expert. I am not a legal expert. but I am someone with the potential to become pregnant. And I have a lot of thoughts and feelings and stress about this. So I’ve been pretty actively, talking about it, re-tweeting stuff on Twitter.

So if you are on Twitter, follow me there @ Cait Liz Fisher, and I’m sharing like a lot of resources, um, really good threads about ways to help. I recently. Recently as in like, you know, the day, all this bullshit news broke, found out that planned parenthood while important while they do provide abortion services and other important health care and [00:02:00] reproductive healthcare services, uh, they union bust.

And that was a giant bummer to find out.. And I’ve been donating to them every month, since 2019. So I have canceled that and I’m going to switch that donation, that monthly donation to, a local or reproductive justice, sort of more, activisty more leftist -y cause so that the money is actually going to help people who need abortions and not to, uh, suppressing unions because that ain’t right.

So that was a fun fact there that I, that I learned and felt a little, I mean, I felt kind of disappointed in it, but I was just like, okay, well, what I do now is I move that money somewhere where it’s going to make more of an impact. And I know that it’s actually being used for what I intended to be used for, which is abortion access. So that’s a thing. [00:03:00]

Another important thing to know is that, you should not like stock up on medical abortion pills, unless you have an actual like plan and distribution network. Otherwise they’re just going to expire in your cabinet giving you a sense of security when people who need them can’t access them because they’re going bad in your cabinets.

Uh, also reminder that there are laughable weight limits on those and they are not effective over like 150 to 200 pounds. So if you can get an IUD, that’s rad. If you want to only fuck partners with vasectomies, that’s rad. And again, if you’re in a state where if, okay, so if Roe is repealed or not repealed, because it’s not a law, if it’s overturned, if this Supreme court decision is overturned, which is the implication and the intention here, I’m hoping perhaps public [00:04:00] pressure will light a bit of a fire.

Who the fuck knows. cause we have a bunch of religious extremists on the court and it’s not looking good and I don’t want to get like too far into this because I actually have a point today, but I wanted to talk about this because it’s really relevant and it’s really on topic and you’re here listening to me every week on Fridays.

And I wanted you to know that this is top of mind. for me. Just like it is, I’m sure for most of you. So if the decision is overturned, abortion will be up to state by state, decisions. So. If you are in like I’m in Ohio. And unfortunately our governor DeWine is pretty Republican on this and we would, I believe have like a six week abortion ban.

but I could, you know, drive somewhere or go somewhere to get one, if I needed. [00:05:00] Uh, if you’re close to a blue state and you have that access, that’s rad. If you live in a blue state, cool. please donate to abortion funds and abortion causes in states that need the most help.

A lot of this is going to be like deep south and just some of our lovely Midwestern spots like Ohio also, it’s like, you know, I’m here in my little bubble and I’m on the pill, which birth control might be next. Uh, gay marriage might be next. Sodomy laws could be next. Like interracial marriage could be overturned. Can you believe that, like, interracial marriage, had to be like, okayed by the Supreme court, that’s so fucked up.

And I am not really in a position where I think I am going [00:06:00] to get pregnant because I’m on the pill and et cetera, blah, blah, blah. But that doesn’t mean that like this doesn’t affect me or this doesn’t matter to me. And also like fun fact, I’m not a woman. And a lot of people who can get pregnant are not women.

And I realize that in the grand scheme of it, it’s like, I don’t know, a single digit percentage of trans and gender nonconforming people who are non women who can get pregnant, but like, that still matters. And if you are here listening to the show by a queer, disabled, chronically ill trans life coach, then you probably have trans people in your circle. And this is important to you.

So just a reminder, try not to say that this is a women’s issue or a women’s healthcare issue or legislating women. just talk about bodily autonomy in general, because that’s important for every single person. [00:07:00] And cool. I’m gonna move on from this. Otherwise I’m just going to go on forever.

So, May new month, new month, new goals, new things. So another ask is to please get on my email list. If you are not already. You can get on one of two ways, you can either take the creative block quiz or you can sign up for my free ebook, which is called achieve your dreams without burnout. It’s got a ton of different thought exercises and journal prompts and things to help you sort of reconfigure the way you approach goals. And it’s super dope. And then every Monday I send out a little pep talk, a little creative hug from me to you. And I will also occasionally send out, like, I don’t know, if I feel inspired to write to you, I’m going to write to you, but definitely every Monday plus bonus magic stuff, when I feel like it .It’s rad, it’s cool. Get on that list. [00:08:00]

So today’s topic is the magic of what if. Thinking of different possibilities, even outlandish possibilities. And the way that we’ve always thought about this is like the phrase you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, right. We think the past is in the past. And if your past was fucked up, I guess, you know, you just fucked up forever or your dreams are over or goodbye forever.

But what if that wasn’t true. What if you could change your future by changing your thinking today? Right now? Change the way you think about yourself, change yourself concept, and that changes your future. Like nothing, nothing here is set in stone. Everything is in flux.

Oh, also I forgot to mention with the abortion thing, sorry, that, it’s it’s going to disproportionately fuck with and harm marginalized and oppressed [00:09:00] communities. So indigenous and black people of color, indigenous black and people of color. I always fuck up that acronym. poor people, working class people, people with less access. So like I was saying, I could go to another state if I needed to, because I would fucking figure out a way, right? Like I’ve got a little bit of savings. I’ve got people who are willing to help.

Not everybody has that. Not everybody is resourced enough to make that happen. And that’s honestly what these people are getting off on, the fact that they will be able to subjugate masses of people and force them to give birth. And that is super fucked up.

So even if it doesn’t affect you personally, even if you have the access to go get an abortion, if you need one, people need you, [00:10:00] those people, those communities need you to support this cause because they matter just as much. And I meant to say that, but I got fucking distracted. So reminder. Do, do it, help, do something. And it’s not just voting either, God I said, I wasn’t going to go down this rabbit hole, but everybody’s like, oh, you need to vote.

We need to vote for Democrats. Bitch. The fuck do you think we have been doing for 50 years since Roe was first decided it has been 50 years. 50 years. There has been democratic control of the presidency of Congress on and off for these 50 years. Jesus fucking Christ. Stop blaming [00:11:00] us for not voting hard enough.

Fucking stop it. I’m so angry. I am so angry. Okay. Hold please I’m going to center myself, take a sip of water and a very deep breath. And then I’m coming back to this podcast topic because I really, really, really want to talk about it. Really do. Okay.

Okay. I am back and I’m going to stay on topic now.

Okay. So. Magic of what if right? The what if the possibilities we think there is a set path before us. We think that we set a goal and there’s one way to achieve it, but there are actually nine bazillion ways to achieve it. There are [00:12:00] infinite steps you can take toward the person you are becoming.

And even if you can’t see them right now, what if they exist anyway? What if they are available to you anyway, to get curious about, to look for, to find, to shift your perspective.

There’s a lot of freedom in this and it can be really scary too. Right. Because if you have a path to follow, you at least have some steps outlined. But if you’re like, oh, I could do literally anything. Sometimes choice is scary. Like we say, paralysis of choice. You know, like when you have too many options that can prevent you from taking a step or making a choice, like Chidi from the good place. Right? Even if he has two options in front of him, he will freak out trying to figure out which one is the right one. So we don’t want to be like that. We [00:13:00] don’t want to be so indecisive. We want to get to a place where you’re like, what if whatever step I take next is where I need to be? How much power in that.

So I specifically want to talk about this convention I went to in January, and this is where I launched level up your creativity, which is the third iteration of my level up program. I am not teaching it as a course this year because I am focusing on other things like my 90 day goal glow up and, it just, something had to go, so it was that, but I do want to bring it back eventually and offer it as an online course. Cause it’s fucking dope.

But I’m at this convention, I’m there. I’m like, hi, I’m Caitlin, I’m a creative coach and an author and I have a podcast and it’s just, you know, I’m all the things here. Get to know me. I’m super queer and rad.

And I had this like easel board up, like, you know, big post-it [00:14:00] notes, right. They stick to the wall. It’s like a big, big pad of paper on an easel. And I wrote, what’s your deep down dream. And so some people were coming up and they were grabbing my markers and they were like writing down, like, I’m going to finish this story, I’m writing.

Or I want to, uh, paint a mural, like a public mural or, you know, just really cool, like creative, artistic stuff. And there’s one guy. He didn’t write anything down, but he just sorta came over to like, you know, chat with me. He was kind of older. He was like, gruff. I want to say he smelled like cigarettes.

Like he gave me like vibes of my dad a little bit. And so that might be coloring my opinion because he was just sort of like, eh, whatever. And we were talking about writing and he said, he’s a writer. And I was like, oh, that’s cool. What are you write? And we talked a little bit about his writing and things.

And he said, you know, like it’s never going to happen. I’m never going to be a writer because I’ve never been able to get published. And, [00:15:00] you know, I’m a coach, so I want to like push back on that and be like, oh, but the possibilities and yada, yada, but like we weren’t in a coaching relationship.

He hadn’t consented to me like trying to push his beliefs in any direction. Um, not that I like push your beliefs, but in, in a coaching container, as we call it or like a consult call or whatever, my job as the coach is to maybe present you with another perspective or help you kind of unpack a belief that you have and look for the evidence, either of that belief or that, that belief might not be true and serving you.

So if this guy was my client, I would be like, okay, like, let’s talk about what makes somebody a writer, et cetera, et cetera. But, you know, we weren’t in that relationship. So I didn’t want to like, press the issue. I was just like, oh, you know, That sucks. Like, have you tried this? Have you tried like submitting to like an online blog or article thing or, you know, whatever.[00:16:00]

And it just made me really sad. I remember feeling like, like I picked up this, this feeling off of him, he just seemed hopeless and I felt really sad. I felt like kind of empty after he left. And I was just like, I wish I could help him. I wish he could see, like, what if, what if he could have embraced the fact that being a writer doesn’t mean you have to be published.

You know what, if he self-published a book. Would that work for him? What if he hired an editor or like a book coach, those exist, there are people whose whole job it is to like help people get their first book published. What if he took a workshop? Like, I don’t know. I don’t know [00:17:00] any of the, what ifs he had already tried. I don’t know any of the, what ifs that he had shut himself off to.

But going back to these sort of infinite possibilities and infinite, what ifs that can expand, what is true, could expand your perspective of what it means to be a writer, to be an artist, to be a musician, to be a friend, to be a mom, you know, like any of this, to be an activist.

There’s all these what ifs. And I felt really closed off after I talked to him because he didn’t, he didn’t have the what ifs, he had basically given up. He’s like, yeah, I tried to be a writer. I tried to write, didn’t work, gave up. But what if? You know, what if there are ways that you could keep going? [00:18:00]

And something that I do, in coaching. So this is called the self coaching model or thought model, and it was developed by a life coach called Brooke Castillo. So I just want to give credit to her. This is widely used in the coaching industry as a standard of how we explore beliefs with clients and ourselves. A lot of coaching is coaching yourself and unpacking the thoughts that you are having about your business and about your offer and about your clients and about your price and about all this stuff.

So, hooray, this tool is it helps build awareness of your thoughts and your beliefs. It’s for awareness. It is not for identifying where in your thought process, you have fucked up and broken something and now you need to fix it. And that is some of the hardest work that you will do with the thought model [00:19:00] is not trying to fix yourself with it.

And this thought work, thought model is something that I walk my clients through when they’re feeling stuck. And it’s also a great way, like I said, to get aware of your own thoughts and to observe them and just recognize– I have talked about this before. Probably not in these terms, but I’ll say something like notice the resistance when you schedule rest on your calendar, like notice what thoughts come up, examine if those are true or not, this is related to thought work.

It’s not like strictly going down this model line by line, but noticing your thoughts, noticing resistance inside yourself is what we’re going for. We want observation and the more you do this, the more you can catch the thought when it happens. And you can just decide like, oh, actually I don’t, uh, no, I don’t, I don’t want to fuck with that thought today.

a great example of [00:20:00] this is like, if you catch yourself kind of like judging somebody’s outfit and you’re like, oh my God, I cannot believe she is wearing a crop top. And then like your inner voice comes in and is like, whoa, I did not raise you like that. Like she can wear whatever she wants. why are you being such a judgy weirdo right now? That’s thought work that’s observation. That’s noticing that you have a thought and then coming in and being like, Hmm. Where’d this come from, what’s going on there. That’s not how we think. That’s not how we believe. And so you can catch yourself and it’s pretty powerful.

So how the model works is that it, it focuses on the following things. So you have a circumstance. A thought that arises, a feeling in your body, like an emotion feeling, an [00:21:00] action, and a result. So when we are writing out a model, we will make like, we’ll just write C T F A R down the side: circumstance, thought, feeling, action, result.

The circumstance is totally neutral. So your circumstance here is not “Girl wearing bad outfit.” That’s a thought that’s a judgment. Your circumstance would be girl wearing crop top. Your thought is one sentence that just distills the thought that you have. So your thought here would be, she should not wear that crop top or crop tops are for thin people. Or whatever it is.

I don’t know why this is the example, but it’s just coming up for me today. So we’re doing crop tops.

Your feeling is, it’s a little tough to get to the feeling sometimes because we want to be like, I feel like. She shouldn’t wear crop [00:22:00] tops. That’s not a feeling. So you want to actually sort of like sense in your body, where this feeling is coming from. Maybe it’s jealousy, maybe what you want is to be able to wear a crop top, but you have all these beliefs about how you can’t wear crop tops.

And so now you’re judging her. Maybe you feel judgmental, maybe you feel angry, maybe you feel worried cause it’s cold out and she’s wearing a crop. So what, what is the feeling and then what action or inaction do you take? So in this example, maybe your action is like, I caught that thought and checked myself, or maybe your inaction is that like, you don’t talk to that person today, or maybe you do, maybe you go up and you say like, “what are you wearing? I can’t believe you left the house.” I don’t recommend it because then the result might be [00:23:00] that she throws her lemonade on you because you were a jerk

and in the model. So. It’s not the best example, because I want to talk about things like “my writing sucks” and like, “oh, I’m not a real artist” and things like that. Because when you go through this model with thoughts like that, especially thoughts about yourself, the result is almost always going to be something that proves your thought right.

So if your thought is, “I’m not a real artist.” Your feeling is probably something like shame, your inaction is that like you don’t practice your art or you don’t share it with the world or you don’t, you don’t ever try to get better or learn anything new. And then the result is that your art doesn’t improve. Reinforcing the thought that you’re not a real artist. [00:24:00]

And that’s why this model is so powerful. And this is also where, the, “what if” kind of comes in. So to shift from the sort of shamey thought spiral, the negative or unintentional thought pattern that is happening. So like the circumstance happens, you have a thought and what we have believed up until now is that you can’t help that thought, you can’t help your reaction to something.

And sometimes that’s true if there’s like a trauma trigger. Yeah. You’re not always in control of that. That can just jump up and be like, Nope, we feel fucking scared. Hit the ground, run away. That’s a different thing entirely. This is sort of the conscious thought. Maybe one that is not built upon trauma. We can talk about trauma later. I want to keep this one a little bit light since I went off on a rant about the Supreme court at the top of the episode.

So we’re shifting from the shamey [00:25:00] “I’m not a good artist” spiral into a better one. One that feels better. One that supports the result that you want, which is you do art and it feels good.

And to do this, we have to be curious and we have to wonder. What if I’m a good artist already? What if I never have to share my art with the world in order to consider myself an artist? What if, what if, what if.

And this can be a little tough because sometimes we want to make like this beautiful affirmation thought, we want to be like, “I’m a best selling author,” but that does not feel true.

Especially when you were starting from like “my writing sucks,” “who let me write a book” “My book was an accident.” These are all literal thoughts that I had while writing my book. Maybe not my writing sucks. I think that my writing is good, but [00:26:00] I routinely was thinking things like “who let me write a book” and “I’m going to let people down”. And “this book is not my best work.”

And now I’m having all these thoughts about, like, I have changed my opinions on some things, since I wrote this book and I have a lot of thoughts about my book. Right. But shifting to like, I’m a bestselling author does not feel true because I’m not, I’ve sold like 700 copies of my book, which is still great, but it’s not best-selling author.

So then we want to instill what we call a bridge thought and this bridge thought often comes in the form of a what if.

What if my book is exactly what it needed to be? What if I could be a best-selling author? What if this book is the first step in my writing journey? Those feel way [00:27:00] more comfortable, way more self-soothing and self-regulating and less freaky outy.

Another tip for creating a bridge thought is to say like I am learning or I am willing. So for example, like I’m learning to love my writing. I am willing to practice my art every week.

What are you willing to do? Or what are you learning to do, that is true and feels like the truth. Not like you are lying to yourself and looking in the mirror, like, gosh, darn it, people like me! ‘Cause affirmations, they’re great, but sometimes they feel goofy.

So an example, I want to take you from the sort of freak out spiral thought model to a better one for lack of a better term. So [00:28:00] the circumstance is that I am hosting an anniversary event to celebrate my book.

The gaslighting of the millennial generation is three years old in just a couple of weeks. May 19th was when it came out. And my thought about this was like, nobody cares. This book is three years old. This is not a current book. Why, why call attention to it? It’s already outdated.

And I sat, I sat with this and I was like, okay, where is this feeling? And I actually felt it, like in my head, in my brain, it felt kind of like light and buzzy. And I was like, I feel delusional. I feel self-indulgent and arrogant. And I feel silly. I feel silly for calling attention to my three-year-old book. The action that came from this [00:29:00] combination of the thought, like nobody cares why bother and the feeling of like, this is silly and self-indulgent right.

So those two are paired up driving a terrible race car of self-sabotage. And the action is that I haven’t really done much marketing for it. I made a Facebook event and I wrote a blog, but I haven’t talked about it. I haven’t put it on Instagram yet. Haven’t done nearly half the shit I should have done to get this rolling.

It’s just the ADHD special. And the result is that like nobody has RSVP’d, because I have no fucking details about what this event is going to entail. Duh. And that proves the thought true. Nobody has RSVP to my Facebook event that I’m not talking about because “no one cares.”

And I decided that that kind of sucks. Let’s not. So let’s get curious about it. Let’s use the what if technique. [00:30:00] And I went through this in advance of the recording so that it didn’t have to do it live, but so the circumstance is the same. I’m hosting an event for my book and this is neutral. Like that’s just a fact.

I scheduled a date. It’s Saturday, May 21st. There you go. That’s the neutral circumstance. And then here are the what ifs that I came up with.

What if this is still a relevant topic that people want to hear about? What if this event gives me the momentum to write a second book? What if the event goes viral and gets a bunch of cool attention? What if I just threw the most fun virtual party for millennials I can put together? What if it’s okay to celebrate this book? Just because I’m happy and it doesn’t matter who shows. And as I was thinking about those things, as I was looking at those what ifs and questioning my beliefs, I realized that I have had some thoughts that stopped me from talking about it.

I have changed my mind. Like I said, about some things that I wrote. [00:31:00] For instance, I was deep into like the Dave Ramsey Kool-Aid at the time. And so I was kind of parroting a lot of his financial advice when it comes to buying a house and things like that. And I was like, renting is great. And now I’m like, we should eat the landlords.

I’ve gone much further left since I wrote the book, I wrote that I’m not anti-capitalist. I am anti-capitalist. You know, this you’re here. but all of those thoughts made me feel like I shouldn’t promote my book anymore. I shouldn’t sell my book. I shouldn’t celebrate my book because I’ve changed. And I felt shameful about that.

And I believed that the book was pointless because it, some of these ideas were outdated. And that was really interesting to me to explore what was underneath those thoughts. And explore what was underneath the fact that like, I wasn’t marketing this cool event that I’m putting together.

And then I go into another great tool of mine, which is like, what would I say to a [00:32:00] friend or my sister or a client? And I would say that writing a book is fucking awesome. And. Learning and changing your mind is part of being alive and being a person and growing,

huh? Okay. What if, what if it’s fine? What if my book is fine? No shit. Okay.

So then my thought shifts here to “my book deserves my attention,” huh. And then. Uh, I started to cry, so that told me a lot about my feelings. That made me feel seen. That thought made me feel proud of my accomplishment. And so then from that thought and feeling combination, the thought my book deserves my [00:33:00] attention and the feeling like I’m proud, the actions I take are so much different from what I thought, “nobody cares” and I feel like this is silly. Like holy crap, man.

So let’s go back to this “what if” and how you can use it. You don’t have to do like a whole thought model, which if you’re a client of mine, I will happily walk you through. But you can use what if even outside of a self-coaching model or this thought work.

Whenever you find yourself stuck or rushing or frustrated, like I mentioned, whenever I’m walking the dog and I’m like, I don’t have time for this. It’s like, ah, what if, what if you’re fine and the dog needs to poop and that’s more important than your calendar right now.

But so ask yourself, what if so, like what if this is exactly [00:34:00] where are you supposed to be? What if this is fine? What if you are perfectly safe, even though you feel scared? What if it’s okay to feel all of your big feelings and you don’t need to hide them or water them down or be palatable or polite or professional? What if you don’t do the dishes and you rest today.

Allow yourself to look for possibilities and options, especially when you are experiencing that perfectionism, everything must be perfectly in order before I can take a break thing. We’re not doing that. What if done is better than perfect? What if it’s okay that your first draft is like a first draft? What if you send an email to your boss without having four of your closest friends look at it.

This also comes up in my ten year vision trainings and my clients love to hate these. So [00:35:00] think 10 years in the future to who you want to be. Right. What if you can access that version of yourself right now? What do they do? What do they think? How do they act? What are their boundaries? What if you could borrow that power? Because it’s yours.

I love this. Okay. And we’ll leave it there. And once again, a reminder to get on my email list, I will put the two option links for that. You can either take the creative block quiz, which will give you a series of emails about how to bust through your particular creative block. Or you can just go to the ebook and sign up and get that free ebook.

And then I’m also going to add the book anniversary event to runlikehelltowardhappy.com/offer so that you can RSVP there. And there’s a chance to win a signed copy of the book. And I’m still developing all the details because I’m awesome [00:36:00] and ADHD be like that, but it’s going to be a great time. And I think I’m going to put recordings of it on the podcast.

So that’ll be rad and super fun and okay. I love you. Drink water and I will see you next week.

Summary

HAPPY 50TH EPISODE!!!! 

Before we dive in I want to let you know that my dog, Gwendoline, was eating an envelope and is very loud toward the end of this episode. I edited out as much as I could! Please forgive her, she is new to podcasting. 

OKAY Let’s talk about rest! What we know about rest and why it’s good: We need it to live! In this episode I offer tips and advice for setting yourself up for a restful bedtime and morning routine to help you de-stress and reduce anxiety as you’re trying to wind down your brain for bed. 

And then we talk about the fact that not everyone has the same access to rest and recovery, and this is what leads to burnout! 

The ugliest part of rest? The fact that it’s SO uncomfortable and often feels like a battle, and we try to rush it and get back to work thinking we rested long enough already. You probably need like 500x more rest than that. 

Please make sure you are subscribed to my newsletter for a Monday morning motivational hug from my creative heart to yours. You can join the list two ways: Take the Creative Block Quiz at bit.ly/CreativeBlockQuiz or skip the quiz and get my free eBook chock full of brain-friendly goal setting and productivity tips to create a plan that’s customized to your needs when it comes to getting shit done. You can get that eBook at bit.ly/stopburnoutebook. 

Thanks to Leave Nelson B for music and Jen Hearn for photography! 

See y’all next time! 

Transcription

[00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to run like hell toward happy, the podcast where we are awesome and where we are saying no to the status quo and learning how to achieve work, life, play, rest balance, and all that good stuff. I am your host, Caitlin Fisher. And I have been, uh, tired lately. I have been sick this week.

We’ve had a cold going through our house. It started with a roommate, he got it from work and then it passed to my partner and then it passed to me. And it’s a very congested week in this home. But I’m feeling okay. I just sound [00:01:00] super stuffy. I feel like I sound annoying. It annoys me to be stuffy. But Hey, if you’re here with me, thanks for coming along, grab some water, hydrate yourself. Uh, tell yourself three things that is absolutely phenomenal about you, because you’re great. And you are a bright, shiny star and the shit that you are doing in the world matters like every, every part of it, you know, like if you’re raising kids, that’s awesome.

The fact that you are listening to this podcast and spending time with me online regularly means that you want a better world, that you want a world where we prioritize fun and creativity and resting above, or at least an equal measure to, in [00:02:00] balance with, our productivity and work and making things and doing stuff.

And what we’re talking about today is the opposite of doing stuff. We’re talking about stillness and resting. And the hard parts about resting. And this has been very much on my mind recently. It was the topic of my newsletter this week. I posted about it on Instagram. it just keeps coming back to me.

And so I actually shuffled around some podcast topics. I pushed something to next season. Uh, because I’m already planning season five. I’m so excited about that. It’s incredible! And I just really wanted to talk to you again cause we’ve, we’ve hit it, like I dunno, three or four times this season, but I want to talk to you about rest really specifically.

Um, [00:03:00] the ways that rest can be quite uncomfortable. And so I’m titling this episode rest, the good, the bad and the ugly. And before we dive into that, I want to invite you to please join my email list. I send out a weekly newsletter on Mondays with motivation, with a message, with a love letter, to your creative heart.

That is the goal of my newsletter is that I want to connect my experiences with creativity, with rest, with achieving this balance. I have a magical superpower in which I can find a life lesson in like anything. Like if I walk out and like a bird pooped on me, I would be able to find a way to like, turn that into an inspirational poster.

And that’s what I do every Monday is I sit down and I think like, what’s, what’s going on? How can I [00:04:00] connect this to something that’s going to help people? That’s going to help people connect with their creativity? That’s going to help people know that it’s okay to give themselves permission to slow down, to stop hustling?

And then I send that out and my email list has been growing and I’m so grateful for that. I have like over 130 something subscribers now, and that’s honestly a very small email list and I’m okay with that. ’cause, you know, I’m, I’m just over here, clanging and pots and pans together in my little corner of the internet being like, yeah, you should do what you love. Fuck everything else.

Uh, that’s not always realistic and I’m not for everybody because I’m very loud and I’m very disruptive and I very much want to like burn down society and replace it with good food and [00:05:00] lots of art and just joy. I would love to rebuild society with focus on joy instead of profit.

So join my email list. Get that newsletter. I also will send out, um, if I’m like doing a launch, I will be sending sales emails. So, you know, If you vibe with me, you might vibe with what I’m offering. And of course my offers range from Passion Pacers, which is a very affordable $37 a month.

pro tip, that’s going up to 44 in June. So if you’ve been thinking about Passion Pacers, maybe a good time to think about a little more. And then I have more premium options such as the 90 day goal glow up. And that is a $2,000 program and there’s some stuff in the middle in between there. So I got something for everybody get on the list.

The best part of my list is [00:06:00] that you can actually reply to the emails. So if something really resonates, I literally want you to tell me that I would love for you to reply to a newsletter and be like, I loved when you said this. This made me think about something in a totally new way. Uh, that gives me the warm fuzzy.

So please tell me when you love my newsletter, because it makes me really happy and it also helps me know, like what kind of messages are resonating the most what’s most useful and helpful and supportive to you. So cool. How, how do you get on my email list, Caitlin? What a great question, Caitlin. Thank you. You can get on my list two ways.

One way is to take my creative block quiz. And that will actually give you a series of emails about four different creative blocks and how to bust through them. And I’ll put a link to that in the show notes. If you don’t feel the need to take the [00:07:00] quiz you can sign up, to receive my free e-book. And that link will also be in the show notes. That’s Bitly slash stop burnout e-book and either one of those options will put you on my mailing list. And I will see you in your inbox every Monday.

Okay. So rest the good, the bad, the ugly. The good thing about rest is that we need it to live and it helps our bodies. Like we need sleep, we need to sleep so that our body can function. That is the very basic premise of resting. we can talk about sleep hygiene or we can talk about reducing your screen time so that you don’t have the blue light, which messes up your circadian rhythm and makes you less sleepy. But we’re all on our phones. Like, I don’t know anybody who’s like, oh, it’s seven o’clock I gotta put my phone away and quit [00:08:00] watching television.

That’s just not happening. So my tips for sleeping are one, make a routine, a routine around going to bed and a routine around waking up Having these routines around bedtime and waking up time help you shift modes. Cause our brains are doing 9 million things all day.

We’re having all of the thoughts we are trying to hold on to all of the thoughts. We were trying to remember things for the morning.

So if that is your problem, trying to like remember stuff or say, maybe you wake up and you’re like, oh no, I forgot about our doctor’s appointment or shit I need to add apple juice to the grocery list, perhaps part of your bedtime routine could be making a list of things that you need to do tomorrow.

And something else you can do is keep a notebook by the bed so that if you do wake up in the middle of the night, you can jot it [00:09:00] down and go right back to sleep. That is my gift from me to you.

my bedtime routine looks like I fill my water cup because my waking up routine is that I take my pills as soon as my alarm goes off in the morning. So I need water to do that. If this step in the morning includes, I have to get up to get water and then come back and take my meds. Uh, there’s a very good chance that that’s not going to happen. So I make my little station, it’s got my meds and my water cup, and then I go to the bathroom and then I wash my face and I do my skincare routine and I brush my teeth and I go to bed.

I used to be a nighttime shower-er. I’m now a morning person shower-er because that helps me get out of bed and motivated by the fact that I feel like I need to take a shower [00:10:00] or I’m going to die, not actually going to die, but. Showers are hard. And so it kind of motivates me to get up and out of bed in the morning if I’m like, okay, you gotta shower, like, get it done.

First thing. It’s awesome. And then you get to lay in bed on a towel and go on Twitter. Like cool. If that’s my trade off, that’s my trade off. It’s awesome. So that’s my bedtime routine.

Then my morning routine is typically meds, walk the dog –in a dream world, I would then do my morning pages and my tarot reading.

Sometimes however, I bring the dog back inside and I’m like, let’s sit down on the couch for a minute. And that. That has been my problem area recently. What I need to do is hand her off to my partner and be like, you play with this dog because she wants to play. I’m going to go do my morning thing. [00:11:00] Oh, I also have to eat in there. That’s an important part of it too. Eating is good.

So resting, the good part is that having a restful routine just fucking feels better. All right. Like, I don’t have the scientific data or statistics to tell you, but I can tell you that when you have a routine, it helps your brain go from worky worky thinky thinky mode into, all right, we are resting now.

Maybe if you can’t sleep, you have a podcast you listen to, like a sleepy hypnosis type podcast or some white noise or, I don’t know a meditation or something that helps you calm your nervous system and your body.

For me, when I can’t sleep, my anxiety will just start up and I’m [00:12:00] like, what if a train derails and somehow makes it to our house, barrels through the wall, and I die. Like, how am I going to fight that train? Go to sleep. I don’t need to fight a train. And yet my anxiety is like, what if you needed to fight a train though? So, a meditation podcast would honestly be pretty helpful because that would keep my brain focused on things such as not fighting trains.

So, as I mentioned, another thing you can do is maybe make a to-do list for tomorrow or check your calendar so that you know what your morning is going to look like. Sometimes I will mentally go through the next day in my head. And then other times I will sort of do like a gratitude practice [00:13:00] where I … have we talked about only versus already?

I don’t know if I talked about that on the podcast, but Serena Hicks, wonderful coach who has been on this podcast twice now. She taught me this incredible shift from thinking “I only have such and such” like “I only have three clients,” “I only made a thousand dollars this month,” “I only have a hundred email subscribers.”

You shift that to saying “already.” So “I already have my first three paying clients,” “I already have a hundred people on my email list.” I already have this, I already have that. And it really flips it from like this place of lack and thinking that you’re not going fast enough. It’s hustle. It’s hustle again.

So this place of lack and hustle and shifts it to a place of like gratitude and openness and like readiness [00:14:00] for the next step for the next phase to come and greet you and grow because you you’re already taking the steps to get there.

So if I can’t sleep at night, I do like an “already list” in my head. So I’ll think like, I’m, “I’m so happy I already have three people in this program and I already have 20 people in Passion Pacers, and I’m already reaching so many people. I’m already reaching thousands of people who love my work” and, you know, whatever it is. Whatever’s going on for you? What do you already have? And that will put me to sleep.

That “already practice” acts as sort of like a gratitude mantra, ongoing sort of inner monologue. Pause for dog noises, please stop. [00:15:00] No.

Okay. So there’s, there’s some basics about rest. It’s good for us. It helps us fight illness. It helps us get through the whole day and we can support that restfulness by creating a routine that normalizes the fact that we enter a rest period every day.

So rest. That’s the good. The bad is that not everyone has access to rest.

So this, this happens because capitalism, because people don’t have the support that they need in order to not be working themselves constantly, essentially. So. If your workplace routinely under staffs, then you do not get as much rest [00:16:00] as you deserve from your workplace. If you are a single parent, like holy shit, you are busy, you are raising kids by yourself and you very likely are not resting very much at all

If you are someone who maybe doesn’t drive. And so you need to take public transportation to get places that takes a lot of time and therefore may cut into the amount of time that you have for life and play and rest. Now it is possible that you could turn that commute into like a restful time, like, you know, pop in some earbuds, listen to an audio book, do something that’s restorative and relaxing for you, but you still have to be somewhat engaged with your surroundings because you need to be aware of, you know, when to get off the bus or if your Uber driver’s being weird.

That’s a bad thing about rest is that many of us, many of [00:17:00] us don’t have access to as much rest as we really need.

And the ugly part of rest is honestly that rest kind of feels like shit sometimes. Resting, not in like a sleep way, but in a stillness way in a way where you stop working on purpose, this feels bad. It feels very, very uncomfortable. And the subject line of my email newsletter this week was actually why rest feels like ass

it’s not all spa days and getting pampered and naps and snacks. Like those things are great. You should take a break and go have a snack and relax and enjoy the [00:18:00] sunshine on a beautiful day. Go take a walk, like do restful restorative activities, but the ugly part of resting is the fact that your brain is going to be screaming at you to get back to work.

And it’s, it’s arguably hard work to rest. When we are practicing rest, especially at first, when we’re coming from a place of burnout and overwhelm and overdoing it. When we first start unlearning that hustle mentality. The resting is so hard, it’s so uncomfortable. And then we try to hustle rest. We try to be like, okay, sat down for five minutes, did a guided breathing [00:19:00] exercise.

And I am good to go for another eight weeks. I’ll see you in eight weeks for another five minute breathing exercise. And like, honey, that is not it. That is not enough resting. And the work of resting is knowing that it’s going to be uncomfortable and choosing to do it anyway. Choosing to do it because it’s necessary. Choosing to do it because it is longterm supportive and nourishing to you and your goals.

And my dog is eating an envelope.

And that really is. The not great part about rest, because we want to say, oh yes, resting is so good for me. And I do it all the time and I’m really able [00:20:00] to relax. And that’s, that’s something that we aspire to be right. Is more relaxed is more rested.

But what I want to acknowledge here in this episode and remind you of is that… it might feel like shit, resting might feel terrible. And that doesn’t mean that you’re doing it wrong. And it doesn’t mean that you should stop. In fact, it means you should probably do more, which again sucks.

So my advice to you is to schedule yourself some time to rest and not just sleep. Like I said, not just like a nap, not just a break in your day where you kind of turn your brain off for a few minutes, scroll social media, things like that. Like, I want you to practice stillness.[00:21:00]

So whether you listen to like a guided meditation or do a breathing exercise like that or something. I want you to on purpose, be doing as close to nothing as possible. And then I want you to pay very close attention to what your brain tells you about that.

One for me, that shows up constantly is “I don’t have time for this, I don’t have time to rest. I don’t have time to go on a long walk with the dog. I don’t have time. I don’t have time. I don’t have time. I don’t have time.”

That’s a huge reminder to me that like, oh, okay. I am trying to hustle. Try to hustle this break. I’m trying to hustle this rest period, I’m trying to hustle. So you might have a different phrase that pops up in your head, but that’s the thought for me is I don’t have time for this.

So I’m going to leave you with that because my dog is not chill with the fact that I am still working at [00:22:00] 7:00 PM and yeah, I invite you to be still. And to let yourself have some thoughts about that and just, just notice them. You don’t have to work through them right now. Just notice them and notice which ones keep showing up.

Notice what patterns you have in your mindset.

And we’ll be back with more on rest later. Bring this over to the run like hell toward happy community. I would love to hear about what the thoughts in your brain are that make you resist rest, resisting a rest. Oh, maybe that’s going to be the episode title. That was pretty good. Anyway, I love you. Stay hydrated.

Uh, don’t get sick. And if you do, I hope you get better, very fast. And, uh, you do have time for [00:23:00] rest. Even if you don’t, just give yourself like 30 seconds to shut your eyes and pretend you live in the forest. Okay. 30 seconds work up from there. Okay. I love you. Bye.

Summary

How we’ve always thought about it: You need to go for your dreams “in your prime.” When you’re young and have the energy. Before you “settle down.” Adults need to have serious careers. Or if you’re creating something new and following a passion, you have to get it up and running FAST for it to be worthy. 

But y’all. There’s no deadline on your dreams and it takes as long as it takes to do without hustling. Pacing yourself means going as slow as you can while maintaining consistency, evaluating along the way, and being compassionate with yourself. All that stuff about getting it done fast is just thoughts. 

The poem I read at the top of the episode can be found here: https://soulpassages.wordpress.com/2017/08/31/the-boat

Don’t miss my Monday newsletters! You’ll receive a dose of Monday motivation and the occasional update about offers and events. Get on my list (and snag my free eBook) at bit.ly/stopburnoutebook.

Thanks to Leave Nelson B for music and Jennifer Hearn for photography! 

Transcription

[00:00:00]

Hello, my run like hell toward happy hellions. My hand baskets. My… there’s not really a good word for what to call the listeners of this show, but Hey, hi. How are you? I hope that this episode finds you hydrated, and if you’re not hydrated, I invite you to get some hydration. And what we’re talking about today is the idea of like deadlines and rushing and how fast it takes you to do something.

And what we tell ourselves that that means about us and about our success. So I’m going to start this off. Um, literally like the day I had to shuffle some podcast topics around because I wasn’t able to get the interview I wanted to get this week. So that’ll be next week as a surprise for you. so I switched around some [00:01:00] topics and like the same day that I decided that this was going to be this week’s topic, someone posted a link to this poem in a group that I’m in.

And this poem is by Laura Weaver and it’s called the boat and I’m just going to read it. You have not missed the boat. You are not late to the party. You have not taken the wrong turn or the wrong ticket, or ended up in the wrong line. You have not made the fatal mistake that will destroy you for all things.

You haven’t overshot the bullseye or slept through the final moments of the ultimate opportunity. You have not missed the boat. You are the boat and the sea that gently tugs on the moorings on ties the knots. And it’s time when the wind is right, releases you to the drawing tide for you know this open water and this joy that breaks free for no reason, this unmovable peace that arises in spite of storms and high seas, and even the terrible losses that seem on bear.[00:02:00]

For there as all that comes and goes. And there’s that, which is indestructible, the essence that changes forms, but does not die. The one of you who laughed in love at the impossibility of being human, to be wired like this with the hurricane of the mind and the line of the heart and the rise and fall of the passions moving in us like sweet fire.

Yes, you are not the one running for the boat that is leaving the port, not the one who is seconds too late. You’re not the one madly deciding which way to go or the one who must discover the truth. You are not even the one trying so hard to find the last piece of the puzzle that would make you whole, you have not missed the boat.

You are the boat and this drawing tide.

And that basically wraps up what I wanted to talk about, which is the fact that you’re not too late and that dreams don’t have a deadline. So, [00:03:00] whatever it is that you want to do creatively, career-wise, relationship-wise, family-wise, you’re not too late. There are people who write their first novel in their fifties or sixties or seventies, you know, there are people who finish their. their very first college degree in their forties or later, I just say this with a particular friend in mind who just turned 40 and is finally wrapping up, I believe has four classes left to go like four, 14 credit hours or something like that before she graduates with her bachelor’s degree. And there’ve been a lot of starts and stops in her journey –in all of our journeys.

But that doesn’t mean that [00:04:00] you’ve missed the boat. You know, you’re not late. What if you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be right now? what if this is the time? What if it’s not the time? You know, what if the time hasn’t happened yet? I w whatever, I can get very existential with this, but what it comes down to is that you’re not late.

And we have this thing where for a lot of us, it’s like turning 30 and I say, this as someone who just turned 34, or as I’m calling it, I turned 33 again, or I’m early for 35. I just don’t, I don’t really vibe with the number 34. It’s just weird. I don’t love even numbers. I’m being weird and going off on a tangent.

Hey, we’re back. So when I turned 30, um, well I guess first I have to go back to when I was 25, which now islike, a baby of a person when I think about it. But when I was [00:05:00] 25, I had a five-year plan. I wanted to be remarried and have my first kid. By the time I was 30, uh, that did not happen at all. And I’m so glad that it did.

And I’m now 34 and in a very solid, very stable, very supportive. and actually good relationship and neither one of us wants kids. And that’s a far cry from where I thought I would be by 30. And I’m really glad that I didn’t rush that. So we’re going to talk a little bit about rushing as well. We’re going to talk about just sort of being at peace with where you’re at in the process, and also the thoughts that we have that make us feel like we’re behind.

This is also happening to me in a couple of spaces. I’m in, a mastermind, I guess it’s like a year long program, to help me grow my business, essentially like it’s marketing help and understanding like launches and like putting together sort of [00:06:00] strategies and stuff like on the sales side of things.

And because, you know, I’m very good at showing up and being like, I do this I’m bright and shiny and I change the world and I’m less good at saying like, also you can buy that from me. So that’s, that’s what I’m learning there. And because it’s a year long, Like, I’m going to, I’m going to be in this for the next it started in like February.

So I’ve got, I’ve got 10 more months, but I feel like I should have already gone through like the entire curriculum and already have everything figured out. And I’m like, oh no, I feel behind it’s like that, that doesn’t exist. Being behind does not exist in this context.

And I think that this comes from education a lot. Uh, there’s like a sense of being like above average for your grade below average for your grade being held back. especially during the pandemic, when learning has gone online in a lot of places, [00:07:00] we talk about like, sort of like atrophy of what students know and we’re like, oh no, they’re going to be behind.

And the thing is that if everybody is behind then nobody is behind, like chill a little bit, like there’s a, there’s a global pandemic going on and there are bigger fish to fry than like what grade level you’re reading at.

So if everyone is experiencing sort of like a, oh no, school is sort of. Plateauing. Like, that’s just sort of what happened in 2020, and we don’t need to freak out and solve it. My personal opinion as not an educator and not a parent, but that, that behind feeling. Sort of lingers. especially when we hit like milestone ages, like, oh, by 25, I want this, by 30, I want this, by 40, want this. And that’s really [00:08:00] just sort of arbitrary.

nobody’s keeping track and comparing you to other people and saying like, oh, well, Steve jobs did this when he was only 22 or whatever. Like, I, I don’t care about Steve jobs. Steve jobs had a lot of money and shit that I don’t have, so I don’t want to compare myself to him, but why do we feel like we’re behind.

Like, as opposed to what? As compared to what? That is my question for you. If you’re like, ah, shit I’m behind, I need to catch up. What are you trying to catch up with?

Magical questions to think about. We also have this thought that we need to do things when we’re like in our prime, in our youth, like, oh yeah. Grind it out, really hustle when you’re young so that you can enjoy life when you’re older, when you’re retired.

And it’s like, why can’t [00:09:00] you have both? Why can’t we be chill consistently throughout life? I don’t want to front-load my hustle because as it turns out, I’m chronically ill. And in this culture, we also we’ll just keep tacking on years to that, right? It’s like, oh, you can retire at 65. Oh, the retirement age is actually pushing like 68 now aw, 75 year old people still have jobs because it’s a fucking hellscape out there.

So if you’re going to have to work for your whole life because of the way the system chews us up. my advice is spread that work out and don’t try to front-load it and totally burn yourself out. I think that’s great advice personally. We have this thing where it’s like, oh, you need to do it, like when you have the energy before you settle down and then once you become an adult, wherever that line is for you,

[00:10:00] so that’s, that’s the norm, right. Is to have like a serious career, something that pays the bills. You need to have a college major that makes sense and is marketable and will make money. And when I was getting my masters in education, which I don’t super use, so, but when I was getting my masters, my mom was like, oh, there’s no money in that.

And I was like, I don’t want to do it for money. I want to do it. Cause I like it. I would like us to bring more of that energy back. Obviously we need money to survive and I want you to make as much money as you need to not only survive, but to thrive, like remember go back to those money mindset episodes. In season two, but season three, season three, I lied. Season three was the, I hate capitalism season with the money talk.

the other thing that happens is that when you do, like, pursue a passion that’s [00:11:00] outside the norm, when you do something that’s like fun or artistic or creative, we want that to go super fast. Like we want it to be an overnight success in order to consider ourselves like, oh good. I did a good job at this. So something that you build sort of slowly and pace yourself and sort of more sustainable… people aren’t always as interested in that because it’s not like a super cool viral story about somebody who started an art business and made a million dollars in the first four minutes.

Like that’s a cool story that we all want to hear about, and we all want to think that that’s possible for ourselves and the energy behind that is believing something that magical is possible, you know, something that fast and awesome and inspiring and impactful is possible, but also that’s the [00:12:00] exception, but you don’t have to be exceptional in order to be valid.

So, if you are building something, you are developing a skill or you are starting a business, or you are practicing a new hobby or an art form, you do not have to master it right away. That is perfectionism talking. That is. Comparing yourself to people who accomplished things in a shorter timeframe and comparison while sometimes can give you a point of being like, oh wow, that’s possible for me, or even giving you something to think about about like, why, when I compare myself to this person, it activates something in me and I feel jealous. So maybe there’s an insecurity or something reflecting back on me that I can improve about myself. There are positives that come from comparison, but, for the most part, if you’re spending all your time, [00:13:00] comparing yourself to other people, you’re over there in their shit.

Instead of being over here, working on your shit. So if you find yourself comparing a lot and being like, oh, their business is growing so much faster than mine, like that’s because they’re not sitting there being like, oh, their business is growing so much faster than mine. They’re just working on their business.

So pro tip, if you find yourself in the comparison, jungle, swamp, bad place. That’s a great reminder to just focus on your own paper, whether that’s about skill development or how good of an artist you are, or how many thousands of dollars you make in your business, it’s all just, it’s all energy.

It’s all possibility. It’s all capability and you can tap into it just as easily as they can. Obvious like societal marginalization and oppression, not withstanding, but speaking generally,[00:14:00] that’s possible for you. You can do that cool thing also. They are not stealing more of the pie. It’s not pie.

You can also have those skills and that growth.

I’m feeling really rambly in this one, you guys, I hope, I hope that’s okay. So there’s honestly no deadline on your dreams and it takes as long as it takes without hustling. So. Big fan of slow and steady big fan of going faster when you can, as long as it makes sense for you. For instance, I have a program called the 90 day goal glow up, and that is a 15 week program where you identify, outline a roadmap and then work on just one goal that you can achieve in 90 days. And it’s very, action-based like you have to show the hell up for your goal in order to achieve it. And so that is definitely like a faster pace than like [00:15:00] passion Pacers, which is where we kind of just are gradually becoming comfortable with the idea that our passions are as important as everything else.

Right. That’s a very, like, take it at your own pace ongoing membership and community. The goal glow up is, is more of like a, okay, you’re here, you’re here to take action. And you’re here to do this community. And I offer both of those because some people need help taking the action. And some people aren’t in a place where like, they need the whole glow up process, but they do need like a safe container to unpack the hustle culture.

And that’s what passion Pacers is great for. So pacing yourself means going as slow as you can while maintaining consistency, evaluating along the way and being compassionate with yourself. So that’s what we need. Right? One as slow as you can, meaning don’t rush. We are running [00:16:00] like hell toward happy, but that does not necessarily mean fast. You do not have to fling yourself at your goal. You have to take steps toward your goal. Calmly and confidently walking to the goal, maybe a jog. Maybe you run if you have the space to run, but if you’re just taking one step every once in a while, that’s okay too.

And that’s consistent for you. So number one as slow as you can while maintaining consistency. Two, evaluating along the way. And three being compassionate with yourself, everything else is just thoughts, all the stuff about getting it done as fast as possible is just stories that you tell yourself. And if you find yourself rushing and I sent out a newsletter about this, this week, I think actually, if you find yourself being like, I don’t have time for this, or this is taking too [00:17:00] long or any of those sort of rushing, panicky thoughts about being behind that is a great time to look inward and figure out why you’re putting that pressure on yourself.

What is the story? Are you trying to achieve something before a deadline? What’s the deadline and why is that important? Is it actually important? Can it be moved?

A great example is when I’m walking my dog. So sometimes if she sees a squirrel, she’s totally distracted and she completely forgets that we’re out there to do the important work of going potty outside the house. And she’s like, holy shit, a squirrel. And I’m like, I don’t understand like how you forgot that you were literally about to go pee when you saw that squirrel.

Like, cause now she has no interest in peeing. I’m like, I don’t have time for [00:18:00] this. I don’t have time for you to look at all the squirrels. Like I don’t have a time I’m really irritated by this. And it’s like, dude, she’s a dog. She’s a dog and she saw a squirrel and she can smell everything that happened.

And it’s like when she walks through the grass and she’s sniffing everything, that’s like her Facebook feed, like she’s just catching up on Twitter by sniffing the grass. And I don’t want to deny her that. I don’t want to be the asshole who’s like, come on doggy, we have to get back to, to capitalism. No, thank you.

So she’s been a good reminder for me, that rushing is often a place to introspect and be like, oh, why am I rushing? What am I rushing back to? Like, is it actually okay to chill right here? Like, I was super tired today at lunchtime. And so I watched an episode of TV instead of getting right back to work and that was okay.

one last note is that when you’re rushing, that is often a [00:19:00] sign of insecurity somewhere. So rushing is like, I need it to be done because I don’t trust that I’m going to do it. right here right now. So it’s a lack of confidence in the process when you’re trying to skip to the good part, You’re like, no, I want this to be done. With that sort of attitude about rushing and about achieving like as fast as possible, I really question if you’re going to take the time to celebrate properly when you get there or are you just going to be like, cool, check that off. Next thing, let’s rush to that.

And when you’re doing that, you’re not really experiencing things. And I would love for you to experience things, especially creative and passionate things. Right. That’s why we’re here. So there’s a little reminder for you when you are really rushing [00:20:00] something. It’s often a sign that there’s an insecurity somewhere going on.

It might be a thought you’re telling yourself it might be a feeling it might be coming from comparison to someone else as we already discussed. something that I rushed in my life was getting married. Like I married my first boyfriend, the first, the first boy, who ever wanted to kiss me, I married him because I didn’t think anyone else would.

And I was like, whoa, I better lock this down. This seems, this seems pretty good. And I don’t want to lose it. So I married him, even though I wasn’t even that happy. And even though like the day of our wedding, I was like, this seems, this seems ill-advised, but I’m already here. Um, so don’t be like me. Okay.

Don’t get married, just ’cause. And don’t rush things just because you think you need to achieve them [00:21:00] faster or by a certain time or a certain date. So like whatever whatever’s bothering you and what’s something you’ve been putting off or whatever you think you’re not allowed to do because you’re too old. Uh, fuck that.

Do it anyway. It’s awesome.

All right. Cool. I’m going to wrap it up here because I need time to edit this and I don’t want to rush it. I’ll talk to you next week.

Summary

Hey y’all! This week we are talking about the non-negotiables in your life. And work, rest, and play. What are the MUSTS for your basic needs and boundaries? This could look like work hours, bedtime routines, limits around socializing, and more. Let’s dive right in! 

Get on my mailing list by getting my ebook at bit.ly/stopburnoutebook or taking my Creative Block Quiz at bit.ly/CreativeBlockQuiz. Join the Run Like Hell Toward Happy Community at facebook.com/groups/runlikehelltowardhappy. 

Thanks to Leave Nelson B for music and Jen Hearn for photography! Stay hydrated and I’ll see you next week. 

Summary

Hey — you don’t have to burn out in order to feel that you deserve to take it easy. (In fact, if you are burned out you probably feel guilty about it). In this episode I’m joined by my friend and client Abi, here to have a conversation about shifting her priorities from work work work to rest as a result of chronic illness. But even if you’re not chronically ill, you need to rest way more than you already are. 

My challenge to you in this episode: schedule rest and fun BEFORE productivity the next time you make your to-do list. 

Catch Abi on Instagram @SkyeSimply or her blog SkyeSimply.com – or in the Run Like Hell Toward Happy Community on Facebook! Facebook.com/groups/runlikehelltowardhappy. 

Thanks to Leave Nelson B for music and Jen Hearn for photography!

Summary

Y’all. Buckle up! We are talking privilege, power, and how to use yours to uplift others rather than hiding in it like boo hoo, I shouldn’t tell my story. YES TELL YOUR STORY. AND ALSO PAVE THE WAY FOR OTHERS TO DO IT TOO. I’m here with my friend Serena Hicks, BIG Happy Money coach, to talk a little about money, a little about business, and a LOT about how to prove the possible and model empowerment and truth for everyone around you, in a love-led revolution. 

You can find Serena at SerenaHicks.com, on instagram at instagram.com/xoxoserenahicks, and facebook at facebook.com/serenahicksaf 

Check out the latest Run Like Hell Toward Happy offers to put what you’re learning into action at runlikehelltowardhappy.com/offer and join the community at facebook.com/groups/runlikehelltowardhappy! 

As always, thanks to Leave Nelson B for music and Jen Hearn for photography. 

Summary

When asked that fateful question, “What do you do?” we lead with our day jobs. WHY? There’s so much more to you than what you do to make money, and there’s more to your day job than just your job title. Whether you’re introducing yourself to describe your career or your passion project, Ken Schneck is here to help you craft a killer elevator pitch to get to the heart of your story in four sentences or less. 

Find out more about Ken at kenschneck.com, and check out the elevator pitch resource he mentioned at tinyurl.com/elevatorpitchplease! 

And RUN, DO NOT WALK, to sign up for The Spark, The Buckeye Flame’s newsletter, to get the latest in queer Ohio news. https://thebuckeyeflame.com/

Thank you to Leave Nelson B for music and Jen Hearn for photography. 

Summary

We aren’t learning how to stop hustling so we can be more productive in different ways or fit new things into the space left behind — we’re doing it so we can actually, sustainably, do LESS. This episode is all about how to maintain the space you’ve created as you’ve unlearned the hustle, featuring a homework assignment to schedule yourself some rest and examine the thoughts that come up when you do so. 

We also hear from Ash Powers, a client of mine who had to give up a really big goal — xer bachelor’s degree — because of shifting priorities when COVID hit in 2020. Xe shares the story of deciding to quit school and allow the rest of life (being a parent, being creative, enjoying life) to take up the space it deserved. Also, Ash is a very colorful speaker and there are five bloopers at the end of this episode I hope you enjoy! 

You can find Ash on Instagram @WitchyWatercolors, on TikTok @MassivePainInTheDeck, on Patreon @LovingSeaTarot (https://www.patreon.com/LovingSeaTarot) and SOON at ashesgrimoire.com. 

As always thank you to Leave Nelson B for music and Jen Hearn for photography. 

Take the Creative Block Quiz to discover your top block and get tips to break through it at bit.ly/CreativeBlockQuiz